Healing the Adult You by Understanding the Child You Were
How Childhood Trauma Shapes Adult Emotional Patterns
Many adults come to therapy wondering why they feel anxious, disconnected, or easily triggered—even when life seems to be going well. What they often discover is that these patterns didn’t start in adulthood. They trace back to experiences from childhood that the body and mind never fully processed.
Childhood trauma doesn’t only come from extreme events. It can also stem from growing up in an environment where emotions weren’t talked about, where love had strings attached, or where you learned early on to hide your true feelings to keep the peace. In other words, trauma can come from both what happened and what was missing.
What matters most isn’t the event itself—it’s the impact it left behind. When something overwhelms a child’s ability to cope, the nervous system adapts to protect them. Those protective patterns—like shutting down, staying hyper-alert, or people-pleasing—often follow us into adulthood, even when they’re no longer needed.
Understanding How Trauma Shows Up
Think of your brain as a smoke alarm. In a calm, balanced state, it only goes off when there’s real danger. But when someone grows up with trauma, that alarm can become overly sensitive and reacts to every little spark. A partner’s irritated tone or a coworker’s criticism can set off feelings of panic or shame, even if the situation isn’t truly unsafe. The brain is doing its best to protect you, but it’s still responding to an old threat.
Trauma also leaves somatic traces in the body. Some people live with constant tightness in their shoulders or stomach, a racing heart, or exhaustion that never seems to lift. These aren’t random physical issues, they’re signs of a body that’s been on high alert for too long.
Emotionally, childhood trauma might show up as:
• People-pleasing: trying to earn love or avoid conflict.
• Control issues: feeling uneasy when things are unpredictable.
• Emotional numbing: disconnecting from feelings because they once felt unsafe.
• Chronic guilt or shame: a deep belief that “something’s wrong with me.”
These patterns often play out quietly in everyday life. Someone who grew up feeling unseen may overwork themselves trying to prove their worth. Another person might fear closeness because vulnerability once felt dangerous. Even seemingly small reactions—like shutting down during arguments or avoiding eye contact when criticized—can trace back to an old survival response.
How Therapy Helps You Heal
Healing childhood trauma isn’t about erasing memories, it’s about teaching your brain and body that the danger has passed. Therapy helps you build safety from the inside out, one layer at a time.
Here’s what that process often looks like:
1. Building Safety and Awareness
Before deep healing happens, your nervous system has to feel safe. In therapy, that might mean slowing down, noticing how your body responds to stress, and learning grounding techniques that bring you back to the present moment. When you can recognize, “This feeling is old, it’s not happening now,” you begin to separate past from present.
2. Reconnecting with Your Emotions
Many people with trauma learned early on that emotions were dangerous or unwelcome. Therapy helps you gradually reconnect with those feelings, such as anger, sadness, fear, without getting overwhelmed by them. It’s like turning the volume knob up gently, giving your body time to adjust.
3. Challenging Old Beliefs
Trauma can create powerful, invisible rules: “I have to handle everything myself.” “If I speak up, I’ll get in trouble.” “I’m unworthy of love.” Approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or Schema Therapy help you identify and challenge those beliefs, replacing them with more balanced, truthful ones.
4. Processing the Past Safely
Evidence-based therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or Somatic Experiencing allow you to revisit painful memories in a way that feels safe and contained. You don’t have to relive every detail—instead, you learn to file those memories properly, so they stop hijacking your present.
What Healing Looks Like in Real Life
Healing isn’t just something that happens in a therapist’s office, it’s visible in the quiet shifts that happen over time. It’s when you stop bracing for rejection every time someone takes too long to respond to your texts or phone calls. It’s when you can express frustration without feeling guilty. It’s when your body starts to relax around people who truly care about you.
You may notice that you respond instead of react. You start setting boundaries without overexplaining. You might even find moments of genuine calm—something that once felt impossible.
Progress doesn’t mean you never get triggered again. It means your triggers no longer control the story.
The Bottom Line
Treating childhood trauma in adulthood takes courage, patience, and consistency. It’s about learning to meet yourself with understanding instead of judgment, to replace survival habits with self-trust, and to finally give yourself the safety you didn’t get back then.
If you recognize yourself in any of this, know that healing is possible. You don’t have to keep carrying the past alone—therapy can help you untangle those old patterns and begin living from a place of peace instead of protection. Please contact us to learn how we can help.
With care,
Your friendly neighborhood therapist,
Miranda Sikorski, LCSW
Miranda Sikorski, LCSW
Miranda is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in trauma recovery, PTSD, anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, and life transitions. She creates a collaborative, safe, and empathetic environment to empower clients to take charge of their mental health and live balanced, fulfilling lives.
