What I Wish More Couples Knew About Couples Therapy: A Therapist’s Honest Take

As a therapist who provides relationship counseling, I’ve had a front-row seat to both the beauty and the struggle of intimate relationships. I’ve witnessed quiet moments of breakthrough and watched people reach for each other after weeks of silence. I’ve also sat in the heaviness of misunderstandings, tension, and pain that runs deeper than words.

I’m passionate about couples therapy—not just as a clinician, but as someone who truly believes in love. I believe that love, when nurtured and understood, can be one of the most healing forces we have access to. And that’s what drives my work. I don’t just help people resolve disagreements —I help them find their way back to connection. I help them turn “me” into “we”.

 What does that mean? It means moving beyond individual defenses—the walls we put up when we feel unsafe or unseen—and inviting your partner into the process of understanding and healing. It’s not about losing yourself in the relationship. It’s about building a relationship where both people can be fully seen, fully supported, and fully accountable.

The Truth About Couples Therapy: It's Not a Quick Fix

Let me be real: couples therapy can be uncomfortable. It’s not a quick fix. It doesn’t work in one session, and it definitely doesn’t work if one person is there to prove a point. (Spoiler alert: I’m not a referee, I don’t pick sides, and I’m not here to declare who’s “right.”)

Getting to the Heart of the Conflict

What I am here to do is slow things down. To help you both zoom out and see the dance you’re stuck in. That endless loop of blame, shutdown, defensiveness, or avoidance. We’ll look under the surface of “You never listen” or “You don’t care about me” and dig into the real feelings—fear, hurt, loneliness, longing—that so often go unspoken.

 Because here’s the truth: even the strongest relationships hit rough patches. Love isn’t defined by the absence of conflict; it’s defined by your ability to repair after it. The healthiest couples aren’t the ones who never argue, they’re the ones who know how to fight fair, take responsibility, and return to each other with softness and curiosity.

What To Expect in Couples Therapy?

 A lot of couples walk into therapy thinking they’re about to open a can of worms. Sometimes one partner is more resistant, and sometimes they both want to be there, but they’re afraid of what might come out. That fear is valid—vulnerability feels risky, especially when there’s been a lot of hurt.

 The goal of couple’s counseling sessions isn’t to dig up old wounds for the sake of pain, it’s to understand your patterns. It’s to shift from defending your position to understanding each other’s experiences. I help couples recognize the protective moves each person makes—like shutting down, lashing out, or withdrawing—and how those defenses are often covering up softer, more human emotions.

 And then, we practice something brave: replacing “you never” with “I feel.” That’s how “me” begins to transform into “we.” You stop seeing your partner as the enemy, and start seeing them as a human being who, just like you, wants to feel safe, loved, and chosen.

How Healing Begins: From “Me” to “We”

My sessions aren’t about perfection. They’re about honesty,  learning how to see each other again, and most importantly, about creating a space where you both feel safe enough to drop your armor and stand beside each other—not against each other.

 Because when “me” becomes “we,” that’s where the magic happens. That’s when healing begins.

Written by: Miranda Sikorski, LCSW
Individual & Couples Therapist at Clear Journey Counseling